ooh wee ooh i look just like puppy doggy

we checked your charts and your drpepper level is concerningly low

you have to be in a certain specific mood to listen to classic rock because sometimes a guy is playing his guitar and you're just like shut the fuck up man

I hope you guys are also being kind to people you don't wanna fuck.

hypnosis award show that nobody remembers being invited or going to

you blink and find yourself home with an award in your hand, covered head to toe in smooches with "cutest puppy" engraved on the trophy base and collar

you blink and find yourself in a tuxedo with "best host" and a collage of photos with all the other winners, blank and euphoric stares on everyone's faces

Ill block a bitch on iamsober ill block a bitch on myfitnesspal ill block a bitch on neko atsume 2

Ill help mom block a bitch on chess.com

we’re about 60 days away from 2013 just think about that for a sec

I haven’t listened to the audio, because it’s too perfect seeing characters emotionally move their mouth with tears while being completely silent.

You…. you REALLY need to listen to the audio though.

type of shit freud would say genuinely

A wish bounced off the moon and broke up on reentry, blanketing the southwestern USA in shards of high velocity desire.

Sources say affected cows have begun to genuflect, and a cactus has learned to while away the time in memory.

applying papier mache to the homie who fell asleep on the floor during the party and then using it as a mold to make a 1-to-1 perfect silicone sculpture of him which we place on the floor and gently interlace with him so it looks like he is sleeping restfully with the yin yang of his own somnolent form lol

Having ADHD is so fun because sometimes youre looking for something that you use regularly and definitely put away in a smart and reasonable place and you have absolutely 0 hope of remembering where and finding it. And then other times ur like "hmm I need a some kind of small pointed object. I feel like i remember seeing a paperclip under the left couch cushion a month ago, i wonder if its still there" and it is

"wait but if u saw the paperclip why would u just leave it there?" its the adhd. Also if i had put it away then i wouldnt have been able to find it a month later when i needed it. So. Checkmate neurotypicals.

Problem is when the ADHD catalogue is out of date, when you go to check under the couch cushion for that paperclip and it ISNT there, sometimes your brain will just give you a montage of false memories of everywhere you've ever seen a paper clip, like this

yeah yeah the paperclip montage, we've all seen it

I mean, Josef Mеngеlе DID die here. Like, that’s something that happened. You know, the piece of shit Nаzі ““doctor”” who experimented on people? His bones are here. We’re using him as a practice skeleton for forensic medicine students at the University of São Paulo. I’m 100% serious.

For the record! We’re not fucking around with his bones just because. Technically, they should be given to his living relatives, but they really, REALLY don’t want him. Like, we’ve been asking them if we can mail him to them ever since he was identified in the 90s, and every time they’re like “hell no, fuck that guy” which is understandable but now we’re at this standstill in case a family member eventually does want him back, and we’re absolutely NOT burying a nаzі all nice and cozy in our soil if we can help it. So I guess it was decided that the best course of action was to fuck around with his bones. In the name of education.

Cant be considered a win since brazil gave him and thousands of other nazis sanctuary in the first place. Oh he died there? How did he get there ????

Well, gee! I have NO idea. You see, us third-worlders aren’t too smart! That’s why we need you, brave internet people who have never set a foot here, to teach us about our own history! I always thought that the Nazi ratlines into South America were organized by this Argentinian Nazi sympathizer millionaire who gave a fortune to the political campaign of the future dictator of Argentina in exchange for him to turn a blind eye to war criminals being smuggled into the continent, but I suppose I was wrong! Maybe our government just decided to give Nazis a warm welcome and cushy government science or engineering jobs and never try them for their crim-

*presses fingers to earpiece* What’s that? Operation? Paperclip? What are you talking ab- huh. I see! Turns out it was a different country that did that. Whaddaya know!